Consultants

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"Dave" sent this and I just had to send it on along with a
warning.
Just spent a wonderful couple of days in Victoria wiht my 11 year
old daughter.  She had just read an Eric Wilson novel which took
place in Victoria.  Therefore we had to go and see all the places
mentioned in the book. One of them was HUGH TEA at the EMPRESS.
I now know that High Tea at the Empress for a 60 year old father
and an 11 year old daughter comes to slightly over $90.00
including tip and that is only because she was under 12 and got
served for 1/2 price.
AFTER TEA, we took the Tally-HO Horse Drawn Wagon tour which was
well worth the  $19.00 for an hour and on the tour they warned us
about the cost of tea at the Empress.
--------------------------------
Now for my "passed on" story about a consultant.
I estimate half of the readers of this newsletter are consultants
ingram
Here's a story for all consultants or people who have had to use
them
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when
suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The
driver, a
young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and
YSL tie,
leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you
exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at
his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the
internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to
get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of
complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his
Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints
out a
full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet
printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You have
exactly
1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says
the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay,
why
not?"
"You're a consultant." says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up
here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already
knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about
my
business ....
" ... Now give me back my dog."
---
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